Author Archive

Essay 8: Winding Down

Lately, I seem to be circling lower and slower.  For one thing, food isn’t very interesting.  Even when it seems so, it often doesn’t taste right.  I seem, now, to have three flavor/taste categories: 1) sweet, 2) salty, 3) bad.  Chewing has sometimes become quite difficult (it’s variable).  You might be surprised how useful your tongue is in the process of, not only swallowing food, but in managing food in your mouth while you’re chewing it.  Your tongue is as active a participant in the chewing process as your teeth are.   So many bodily parts and functions that we take for granted!  Swallowing is also sometimes very painful.  Occasionally, excruciatingly so.  Eating has become a mostly uninteresting chore, at best.

A year ago, I weighed about 145 to 150 pounds.  Last night, I climbed on a friend’s bathroom scale.  It read 123 pounds.  I’m looking a bit gaunt, I think.  Jan says people look at me and think I look quite well, though.  I believe I’m probably a lot “closer to the drain” than most people think.  That might be – in large measure – because of two things: 1) I don’t plan on partaking of modern medical measures that could keep me “alive” for several months longer, 2) I don’t intend to put up with either a lot of pain or dysfunction, nor do I intend to allow myself to be so doped up that I don’t know or care how dysfunctional I am.  If I’m not fit enough to walk to the store and back, for several days in a row, or if I become seriously sleep deprived, or if I have severe, chronic pain that can’t be effectively mitigated by oral painkillers – in short, if I become so messed up that I’m not “myself”, for even a few days, I’m going to be ready to give it up.  If I thought I might feel like “my old self” in a week or so, I would hang in there until my condition turned around.  That’s not where I am, though.  I’m going down, just like, one day, everybody’s going to go down.

One recent added aggravation is constipation – apparently from increased use of pain-killers.  A couple of months ago, one or two Hydrocodone tablets a day was plenty.  Now, I seem to be eating one every few hours, from the time I get up in the morning, until I go to bed.  Food isn’t very interesting on the top end.  Nothing seems to want to go, on the other end.  Gridlock has happened.  Shit is not happening.  Not good.  All part of the shutting down process, somehow, I suppose.

The local daily paper, The Spokesman Review, ran a two page story on me last Sunday, July 18th.  Headline said: “The last word against cancer”… His prognosis terminal, Dan Treecraft isn’t waiting for death to come to him”.  I was not very pleased at first.  There was too much emphasis on the intended suicide, I thought.  But that’s how they sell newspapers.  Who’s gonna pick up a paper that doesn’t have something catchy in it?  Suicide is catchy.  The article contained about a half-dozen factual errors, but none rose to the level of a lawsuit, or even to demanding a written retraction.  ”Typos” seem to have come under pretty good control for most newspapers in the digital age, but factual errors abide.  As my young friend and neighbor, David, so perfectly summed it up: “It could have been worse!”  At least they spelled my name right, and all my direct quotes were on the money.  A couple of doctors even weighed in with quotes, one a cancer surgeon and friend… the other, the county coroner.  The coroner has promised us an investigation if there is an apparent suicide, and he has threatened an autopsy, as well.  We’ll see (some of us).  I have written to him, to inquire what we might do to get him to “turn it down a bit”.  An investigation isn’t so drastic.  An autopsy, though?  That should not be needed, if we do the thing properly.  I wanted some controversy over this.  We got some!  An autopsy!  Well, the coroner’s office is political… and this is Spokane (not the most backward town in the entire country).  C Y A, Dr. Howard.  Surely, Lord Satan must have a special place in his heart for clever politicians.

I’ve read a few interesting and/or supportive comments in the online edition of the newspaper.  Yesterday’s letters to the editor contained only one-out-of-three, that suggested my soul was in peril, as a result of my own proposal to to end my life humanely-if-self-indulgently.  We also got a letter in the mail, yesterday, stating that “God” was going to be very displeased with me when I met (“Him”) after I died.  She indicated that He did not suffer disbelievers well.  The lady provided her e-mail address so that we might further correspond.  I wrote to her and told her that I was going to be so surprised at seeing anyone, “God” or otherwise, that I expected my recent constipation problem would be cured on the spot.  As an unexpected bonus, once I got myself cleaned up, there would be the possibility of my having the opportunity to ask “The Creator” a few long puzzled-over questions.  Guess I might add that to my list of reasons to get on with dying.  Too bad He couldn’t have given me a little boost on the toilet, while I’m still dwelling among the rest of you.

Essay 7: Major “Bucket List” Excursion!

Well, what an interesting weekend I had – Friday, June 18, Saturday, June 19, Sunday, June 20, and Monday, June 21!

I rode “the big scooter” from here (Spokane) to Ballard, a charming little town, subsumed into Seattle many decades ago (“big scooter”: a 250 cc SYM ‘maxi’… something meant to be ridden on highways…).

A buddy from way back (I was his Seventh-Grade sunday school teacher at the local Unitarian Church, back in the early ’80s) came to my wake, stayed with us for the weekend, and invited me to come visit him for his 40th birthday party, and to ride with “his gang” in the unofficial, pre-parade, bicycle melee that has taken over much of the “Freemont Solstice Parade” like some kind of a happy cancer.

I first heard of the Freemont Solstice Parade about 25 years ago, and had subsequently heard that there was a more recent addendum to same.  Over the years, somewhere between 100 and 800 bicycle riders shun their usual bike togs and switch to a uniform that centers mainly on (some sort of) footwear.  Anything beyond that is “optional” (like clothing).  Most riders opt for some sort of paint job, and then are inclined, in some cases, to accessorize with bathtub toys, glitter, hats, “pasties”, skivvies or panties, etc.  Mostly, what the crowd of tens of thousands (?) is treated to, is a fleet of nude people on bicycles with colorful paint-jobs.  It’s a hoot and-a-half!

Of all the things to check off from my “bucket list” (I never heard the term before the Jack Nicholson movie) before “D” Day, the nude bike ride in Freemont is a list-topper.

My buddy, T.R., held a pre-ride breakfast for about a dozen friends on Saturday morning.  Two paint compressors were set up in the back yard – one for ‘bulk’ coating major areas, and one hooked to a couple of airbrush pots.  They ran a completely gender-neutral assembly line.  Most riders in T.R.’s gang opted for their previously-agreed uniform scheme – all black from toes to navel, with a two inch red ‘sash’ atop that, and a blue wave-scallop design on torsos, tits, arms and faces.  The bulk paint-line guy – a real stickler for detail – made everyone bend over and “spread ‘em”, to make sure no shady places were missed.  Full compliance was had.  This paint scheme was meant to convey a reminder of the blow-out and oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico.  Black for oil… red for the skimmer boom… blue scallops signifying clean water.  Purist and non-conformist that I am, I opted for pure oil-slick black.  I was dull black from toes to dome. No detail was missed, right down to my little black weenie – it being a chilly, breezy day.  Mouth closed, eyes squinched, my face was sprayed full-on-black.  My wild-fringed bald head, whiskers, and the hair in my ears, all took to paint very well.  Once painted, however, I was freezing.  The acrylic paint was water based – so I was soaking wet.  I stomped and shivered my way back into the kitchen, turned on the electric oven and two stove-top burners, in an attempt to dry off and warm up.  Thank God & I’m an atheist!… it worked.

Once everyone was satisfactorily decorated, we hopped on our bikes and rode off from T.R.’s Ballard residence, toward Freemont’s business district, a few miles away.  As we got close to the parade route starting-point, we fell in with other clots of riders, and those eventually grew to larger streams of colorful bicycular nudes, until we finally arrived a point where we seemed to be in a torrent of hundreds of cyclists.  Wha-hooo!

The parade-watching crowd was about four to six people deep for a mile or more.  Pointing, shouting, grinning, laughing, they seemed to be having as much fun as we were.  My paint job seemed to have been particularly noteworthy.  As I rode along, I noticed that as I made eye contact with many folks, there were apparent gasps and visible looks of shock on a lot of faces, followed by pointing fingers.  It turned out that I looked like some sort of comedic black skeleton!  (I was shocked when I saw myself in a mirror several hours later.)  Every once in awhile, I’d slow down to a near-stop and holler at a gape-jawed throng: “Does this weenie make my bicycle look BIG?”  I never did make out anyone’s answer – I scrammed outta there.  I’m too easily hurt by other people’s opinions of my vehicle.

Hoo-haahh!  What a day!  What a visual riot!  Somewhat surprisingly, I’d swear the gender make-up of the cyclists was no less than half females.  Not all ages were well represented, though.  Few early teens or younger.  Not many people over 50 either, but there were some folks who appeared to be at least 70 (I know one guy, for certain, was 61 years and 2 & 1/2 months).  It turns out – nudity loves company!  Needless to say, the “eye candy” appeal of the whole show is both, wholesome and substantial.  I’ve never seen a spectacle like it (and I have been to “Burning Man”!).  When I turned in my bicycle (borrowed from T.R.’s across-the-street neighbors), I assured them that any stains they might find on the seat were 100% pure and organic.  They seemed quite-apparently-relieved by my assurances.

The parade itself – put on by the Freemont Arts Commission – is a thing to behold.  It is ZERO-corporate.  It’s entirely people powered, except for the electric amplification of (some) music.  Vehicles are pedal or foot powered.  Floats are mainly pushed by walkers.  After watching the “Official” parade for something over an hour (freezing our everything off), we walked back to find our bikes, and actually joined in pushing one float-load of jazz musicians for awhile.  Freemont is a people’s parade.  I never seen nothin’ like it!

After finding our bikes, T.R. and I rode (semi) solo back to his house, through the streets of Freemont and Ballard on King County’s singular clothing optional day.  The birthday party seemed like a let-down after all that… but then, I’m old… and birthdays are no big deal any more.

Perhaps I can get my more-adept geeky friend, David, to put up some choice pictures from the event.  Later.  For now, this not-quite-yet-dead-adventurer is about spent.  Ciao!

Essay 6: Hangover, Addendum

I’ve been missing in inaction.  Not feeling well has been part of it.  Not being able to decide “what to say next” was the rest of it.

Since the last posting of apologia, I have heard from a couple of other party attendees, both of whom assure me that I went a bit overboard with my gushing about how poorly we accommodated an overflow of guests at the “formal”part of the event – “the Roast”.  My informants tell me that anyone who really wanted to get in and see & hear the goings-on, could have quite easily wormed their way, gracefully, in to where they could have seen and heard all, quite well.  Case closed.  My apology.

Essay 5: A Sad Hangover After A Fabulous Wake

Twelve days after my “absolutely fabulous” wake, I’m having an attack of the blues.  Not only have I, in the wake of my wake, returned to the role of being just another regular schlub, but real ghouls are now surfacing on my golden pond.

This morning, I had a date with Mel.  She’s the woman who has prepared our federal income tax returns for the past several years.  The meeting was called to get started on unfinished tax business related to my late mother’s estate.  I was in Mel’s office for almost one-and a-half hours.  I’m not sure we spent even 30 minutes talking about my mother’s estate.  The far greater amount of time was spent talking about why I do not intend to engage the services of western conventional medicine to repel the attack on my life by the cursed Cancer.  Mel started it.  I was just the willing, very voluble witness.  She really wanted to know my justification, my rationale.  I went over my usual “good” story about the insanities and excesses of western medicine and modern culture, only, each time I tell it, I imagine that it gets better and more potent in each new retelling.  She seemed deeply impressed with my courageous saga of defiance in the teeth of a certain death, and reached for a wad of kleenex to dab her drippy eyes.  She mentioned that even though she was expressly invited to my”wake”, she hadn’t stayed for more than a few minutes – having first “driven around the neighborhood, debating whether or not (she) even belonged there.”  Since she actually only knew me because of doing our taxes, and by way of me having done a minor front-yard landscape makeover several years ago, I guess she wasn’t certain of her bona fides as a legitimate mourner/reveler.  It turned out that she left the shindig after only a few minutes, because the main hall of the building we were in, was apparently jammed to overcapacity.  No place to sit, no place to stand.  She couldn’t see or hear the proceedings of the plus-hour-long “testamentary roast”.   I expressed my sorrow that she’d not felt more welcome, and told her that she had missed a pretty good time listening to the band after the roast.  I lamented the lack of attention that had apparently allowed her and a sizable number of other people to go unaccommodated, and unnoticed.  She modestly dabbed her eyes, again.  Before moving on to the official business of my visit, I reached across her desk and took her hand in gratitude for talking with me.  Well, that did it.  Mel’s composure dived like Buster Keaton on a fresh banana peel.  She recovered fairly quickly, though, and then she talked about how much she’d enjoyed our conversation when I’d finished-up my years-earlier yard project at her house.  Pleased with our newly-expanded appreciation for one another, we then went to work on the tax questions.

Mel’s tale of “finding no room at the inn” was only the most recent, most detailed, and poignant story of how the otherwise-wonderful party-of-my-life had its shortcomings.  Among others, I – the “birthday boy’s” doppleganger – was so absorbed in reveling in my glory that I failed to notice, or wonder, if everyone else was as well catered for as I was.  Focussing one’s attention can be a good thing, but too brittle a focus can cause headaches.  I’m gradually becoming aware, now, of numerous people (dozens?) who couldn’t find space in the room where the “formal” festivities took place.  Gack!  DING! DING!  Just when I was beginning to make peace with how many people had simply done nothing but work during almost-the-entire eight-hour Festival of Dan.  I’m telling you, it leaves a bad taste in a not-quite-yet-dead man’s mouth to think that his otherwise near-perfect send-off was, rather, a bust for some of his friends and fans.  Never mind: the people who got overlooked in delivering invitations; or the friend who’s reputation for boisterous enthusiasm instigated his being counseled to throttle his “usual” behavior; or people who gave up on the party early, because the bathroom line was too daunting.  Oh, dear, shit.

This tale is, perhaps, just another example of one of my favorite maxims: “Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.”  I used to love to recite that one to some of my clients when they’d overdone it with planting or watering, or over-fertilizing their trees.  I had invited too many people to my party.  I’d gaged the party’s success by sheer numbers of people, and had believed that we were SRO, standing-in-the-doorways-full.  Just right.  Wrong!  There was no room at the inn for dozens of my friends.

Actually, there probably was adequate room.  We just needed to stop the show for a moment, to add some more chairs, or move the ones we had farther forward, so that more people could, at least, find standing room in the back of the hall.  In the annals of human history, the crimes committed at my pre-emptive wake will not find space in the books.  But, still… it hurts a bit to think that I was so wrapped up in my own gloat that, after all, I’m the goat – in my own glorious saga… again.  Sheesh!  Maybe we can make sure that some-ones are strictly tasked with seeing to it that such faux pas don’t occur at my next wake… assuming, of course, there is another one.  Most of us are lucky to have just one single memorial bash, and even then, only after we’re already dead.  To err is human.  To die is divine?  Sheesh. What ever will I do to entertain my ego in “the next world” ?

[  Rose -  please add to the check-list for the next big party: making sure everyone gets in for the show.  Right. ]

And that’s not even the worst ghoul that broke the apparent calm of the water’s surface, recently.  My back, and the clock, say “Stop, now!”

Essay 4: Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

The  American Sick Care Industry is in a death spiral.  Some folks think the spiral might be stopped, or even reversed, before it worsens.  I don’t.  For one thing, it has such enormous momentum.  Maybe momentum isn’t just the right word, but, certainly, the dysfunctionality of the monster is monstrous.  So many factors are tangled and tangling in the mess.  I’m not competent to discuss the whole picture, but I do have some thoughts, most of them cranky, regarding the parts I presume to have any understanding of.

For at least a century, Americans, among others, have come to expect – just the same as with industrial civilization and technology in general – that we can look forward to perpetual “progress” in medicine.  We have seen advances in all sorts of medical technology.  Over the past 50 years, technology and techniques have exploded, in sheer numbers, and in complexity.  Laser technology was preceded by great technical advances in drugs and anti-biotics.  New machines and techniques leap-frogged one another, as open heart surgery and transplant procedures caught on, and seemingly became all-but-routine.  Drugs have been designed to reduce, block, and enhance all sorts of bodily functions and ailments.  Some of these have become highly sought “street drugs”, commanding premiums, off the books, for recreational uses.  America has become, significantly, a nation of drug users.  Not just “pot” heroin, cocaine, but “Oxy-contin”, Viagra, and all sorts of things I never heard of.  If you know a few people over the age of sixty, you probably know some who routinely purchase and consume at least half-a-dozen different prescription medications.  The complexity and details of all this exceeds both my knowledge and my interest, frankly.  Even so, I have a deep. strong opinion about it.  (Of course.)  I think we’ve gone cuckoo.

Just as we have, in so many ways, defied the boundaries of nature – with regard to our food, shelter, “transportation” (who can remember when transportation was limited to two feet on two legs?), “entertainment”, science – modern medicine has allowed us to significantly, if temporarily, escape some of the biological limits of nature.  Okay, maybe not escape – perhaps stretch, at least.  We can limit family size, rescue sick children, meddle with reluctant reproductive processes, keep less-than-fit babies, children, adults, alive until they have reached reproductive maturity, wherein they then attempt to repeat the progenitive process again.  Ah, there, that’s the word: Meddle.  We have, as Nancy Sinatra said in the song, “been messin’ where we shouldn’t-a-been messin’ “.   Boy, Howdy!  We now have (my belief) about a thousand times more humans on the planet than what can possibly be sustained for any significant length of time.  Our species and its prototypes may have numbered no more than a very few million souls for most of the past million years.  We may have only been a top predator for a million years.  (I’m out of my pay grade again, but I have dabbled in enough anthropological reading and thought to be slightly dangerous.)  Now, we are not just top predators, we have become…. Masters Of The Planet… sort of… for a very brief spell.  I think, right now, we are on the cusp of realizing just how brief and tenuous our mastery is.  We may be at or near the peak of a population bubble.  Very near, I think.  Some of us will never receive this realization, true.

We are, practically, as a species, insane.  Randall P. McMurphey flew over the cuckoo’s nest, and dared its institutional logic to restrain him.  It tried to.  It succeeded.  The most sane guy in the looney bin was such a threat to that society that it had to neutralize him.  They did what they did “for his own good”, I suppose.  He was the sane guy.  Our medical-industrial complex, like so much of our civilization, is a thing out of control, defiant of nature’s sure wisdom… for awhile.  The end is near, I think.  Nature is gradually trimming our arrogant sails.  It’s been a heady run.  I wonder how many people will smell the trouble’s deadly portent before it spills, undeniably, out over all our work.  Who knows?  I need to take a break.  My back says I must take it, now.

Essay 3: My “Living Wake” – the Audacity of Audacity

A few days ago (last Saturday), my wife and I, with a lot of help from a devoted cadre of friends, held my “living wake”, modestly billed as “The Poor Dan Treecraft (pre-need) Wake, Roast & Sock Hop”.  It turns out that it should have been billed as “The Very Last – Poor Dan Treecraft (pre-need) Wake, Roast & Sock Hop”.   The (verbose) intentionally comedic invitations, apparently led many less-intimate recipients to assume this was merely my prankish ballyhoo for a themed party – themed parties, apparently, not yet being passe.  Counted among the missing, those misled by the snarky invitation may live to regret missing their last opportunity to see this beer-fueled, salsa-inspired varmint dazzle the dance-floor.   Mia culpa.

This having been “graduation week”, you couldn’t walk out your front door on Saturday without stepping in someone’s graduation party.  There was also a hugely popular annual art festival in town, as well as the usual menu of social and cultural competition.  Still, “My Party All About Me” drew a couple-hundred people.  Admittedly, I did lean on my dentist and her staff to attend, as well as several clients, our tax accountant, my psychoanalyst, and the assistant manager of our neighborhood supermarket.  A client’s husband gave us the use of his lovely, well-sited commercial photography studio, as well as many hours of gracious oversight and hosting.  A long-time friend volunteered to oversee the pot luck food aspect of the event, a task which quickly morphed into the most-amazingly-competent, full-blown organization, planning, and management of a nine-hour extravaganza. Another old friend insisted on providing “enough dessert for the entire party” (she nearly had a hemorrhage when she learned that we expected well over a hundred people).   Other friends volunteered to: video-tape the show, provide live music, sing and lead songs, provide professional-quality audio recording, act as M/Cs, set up, maintain order, clean up, and procure beer, chairs, etc, etc….  Hell!… some people even dropped cash and checks into the bucket that “Uncle Harold” procured just for the occasion.  I had absolutely no idea, going in, how much work and talent would ultimately converge to produce the party.  I’m gradually discovering just how much.  Jan and I had wisely selected the one bright, sunny day – amidst a cool, grey, wet week.

By most accounts, the party was a smash hit.  It was sure as heck the best party I’ve ever thrown or attended.  It exceeded even my own flamboyant fantasies.  Of course, how many parties have I ever been to – where I was not-only the focus of the celebration, but where a dozen-or-more people lined up to tell a crowd how irreplaceably important… I had been in their lives?  That don’t happen once-every-year!  Among the other reverent, testiferous faithful, an esteemed counsellor/confessor spoke.  Amid a modest eulogical summary of the thoughts of Paul Tillich, he managed to compare me favorably with Jesus.  He asserted that Jesus and I were, both, about transforming death into love.  Everyone in the room was so aghast with amazement that we were too dumb-struck to laugh.  You could have heard a pin drop.  I suspect that many wondered if my learned friend had any familiarity with his not-yet-deceased subject.  I’ve concluded, post-partum, that what I have been about, lately, is transforming death into play. Thanks, Uncle Robbie, for the suggestion.  Almost everyone who spoke managed to lard in a good dose of humor, and we all got our jollies massaged by their recollections.  Standard fare, for the very best of memorial celebrations – in other words: wonderful!

One of the most amazing offerings was that of my step-brother, Bob, who lives in LaPush, a very small, very remote, Indian village on the Washington far-coast.  It’s a roughly ten-hour drive to get here.  Himself, a half-blood Quileute Indian and virtual village elder, Bob has become, at 62 years, a credible, esteemed, wise, old Indian.  We’ve been separated by a lot of years and miles since I graduated from high school 43 years ago.  Bob stood up and offered a bit of personal background history, then proceeded to sing and drum a traditional Quileute song of farewell, something like his mother’s people had done for hundreds, or thousands, of years.  In cedar-dugout whaling canoes, they paddled the souls of their dead out into the nearby Pacific Ocean.  His was a very unexpected, totally exotic, contribution to the otherwise all-white tribal festivities of the day.  A long-time friend later told me that “the entire room was breathlessly silent” when Bob finished singing.  I dare say, my heart soared like a hawk.  It was one of many lovely, powerful, tearsome moments of the afternoon.

Not to be overlooked, there were at least three other musical offerings stirred into the testamentary program.  ”Formal” entertainment kicked off with an a cappella duet of girlfriends singing the best version of “Mr. Sandman!” I’ve ever heard.  Knocked our socks off.  Later, a very-longtime friend led us all in singing “September Song”, just as she had done for our wedding a few years ago.  Eyewash dampened a lot of faces, mine included.  We concluded the formalities with a group-sing of the soulful ballad, “Danny Boy”, for which my mother named me.  My friend Aleks, on whose shoulder my arm rested, squeezed my arm throughout the entire song, while I maintained a continuous drip on his shoulder.  What a show we had for ourselves, and me, that day!

After nearly two hours of “testifying” the chairs were folded and stowed, and an eight-piece band local Cuban salsa band took the floor.  ”Milonga!” most-literally hopped our socks off for three hours.  The dance floor was delightfully crowded and animated every minute the band played, never-mind that the median age of party-goers was probably around 66.  Socks hopped, indeed! (We were so obviously-appreciative that the band leader later told me they won’t soon forget what a good time they had.)  I’m not a naturally-inclined dancer – far from it.  But, some sorts of music, often like what emanates from tropical latitudes, manages to inspire my feet, if not much of the rest of my all-white body.  Add one or two beers, and… give me some space!  I’m a dependable, if incompetent, “show-off dancer”.  I did my best last Saturday.  Among others, I “danced” with my beautiful, tall, blonde dentist, the very lovely wife of one of Spokane’s top oncology surgeons (and friend), a tall and charming Korean-born friend (who could probably be a show-dancer), and the room-buzzingly gorgeous and stylish “Queen of Vinegar Flats”.  I even danced with my wife. Jan, who – when her feet are enjoying a better week – can melt the tires off the waggin’ when she gets into full-shimmy mode on the dance floor. You’d guess she was 18, rather than 60, when she gets into the music-mind-beat.  All-in-all, it’s a wonder I didn’t have a stroke before the night was over.  Even the dentist’s three young children were on the dance floor.  I spotted her five-year-old son, at one point being happily swung by two adoring women.  Whoop-de-doo!

The gig was “a perfect send-off for a small-time show-off”.  A lot people had a good time Saturday night, many of them, perhaps, reminded, why they found me charming, and so annoying.  I think we were all reminded of how important the people all around us really are.  We all make our unique contribution to the greater stew.  I recommend the idea of throwing your own wake before you kick the bucket.  It might take a bit more than your usual daily temerity to conceive of something so audacious, but the reward is worth the risk, as far as I’m concerned.  I recommend you try it while you can enjoy it.  Admittedly, my own situation provided a sort of “perfect storm” opportunity to attempt such a thing.  Not all of us will have the gift of advanced warning for ourselves, our friends, our families, regarding our terminitude, but, many of us will.  My cancer is sure and steady, not sudden, certainly not instant.  There is time to adjust to my disappearance.  Not everyone gets the chance to say his goodbyes.  Not everyone may have so successfully high-graded our fellows – for talent, soul and passion – over the course of a lifetime.  Believe me – I didn’t have any idea how successful I had been, how many loving friends I had acquired, until I lived through the party of my lifetime.  Yes – do think about hosting your own wake while you can attend it, fully awake.   More, later.  I’m feeling pretty tired right now.

Essay 2: What Do I Really Think?

I think we live in a pretty-nearly-completely insane world.

I think I began forming this opinion back when I was about ten.  I remember sitting in the car at a stop light one day with my dad.  It was a going-to-be-hot-day, about noon, in Fresno, California, May or June, 1959.  I looked around at all the sorts of commercial and vehicular clap-trap surrounding us, and suddenly I saw that, aside from being ugly, it was unsustainable.  I don’t think the word “unsustainable” had been “invented” yet, but I still had that approximate thought.  I thought, “Where did all this stuff come from?”  Billboards, stop-lights, cars, roads, sidewalks, buildings weren’t natural.  How and where did we get all the materials to make all this?  Seriously – do we all have these sorts of  epiphanic thoughts sometime between 8 and 18, but just suck ‘em up, cap them, and try to go along with the ruse – because we’re just kid’s and we don’t know any better than to go along with the world as it is?   Or maybe, we already know that rocking the boat gets you nowhere except “in trouble”.  Maybe, at some point, we’ve all understood that the water coming from the bathroom faucet was hot because a finite commodity supplied the energy to heat it, and, therefore, hot water heated by that source was going to run out one day.  But we didn’t have a clue in our ten-year-old heads about how we might deal with that eventuality, so we deferred worry to older people, folks like our parents and grandparents.  We had always depended on older people to figure out problems and take care of us.  It turns out that too many of our parents and grandparents were trusting that “wiser” more sophisticated people would solve the hot water problem for us all.  The guys who wore lab coats and fiddled with beakers in laboratories would surely find new ways to keep the water hot.  I’m not sure what all the guys in lab coats were thinking back in 1959.  Something, surely.

There has been quite a whallop of events during the past five years: super-hurricanes, record oil price-spikes, major bank failures, stock-market collapses, national and global economic melt-downs, record-breaking earthquakes and tsunamis, unprecedented deep-sea oil well blow-outs…  All of these have been act-of-god in scale, and in many cases, act-of-man by causation.  They may all have our imprint on them.  We may never know.  I think a lot of us are in a state of shocked psychic fatigue.  I am.

We’ve experienced most of a century of “optimism” holding sway over most people’s imaginations.  I believe that we are now well into the “Pessimists Century”.  When I was a little kid, the standard-fare Zeitgeist was that each generation should expect to do “better” than the preceding generation.  ”Progress”  was guaranteed to continue for as long as most people could imagine.  The myth of “Perpetual Progress” held court.  Civilization and “progress” were unstoppable.  Not everyone bought into the myth, but it seemed to rule most common, conventional galleries of conversation.  Even if you were skeptical, you had to admit that progress was pretty perpetual-looking from the point of view of many of us who lived during the Twentieth Century.

I’m a doomer.  Certifiable.  Maybe not the gloomiest doomer, but pretty well along on the spectrum.  As a doomer, I feel like the chasm between me and many of our more optimistic cohorts is as un-bridgeable as the gulf that exists between me and some other people’s religious beliefs.  We tend to believe what we believe, and nobody is going to change our minds.  Me & some other “Cassandras” in the doomer clique get to feeling lonesome in our wailing warnings of doom.  It seems like no one hears us – or wants to.  It does feel good to be “right”, but it seldom feels so good to be ostracized – “for being right”.  Different drummer that I sometimes am, I often long to have a few more fellows traveling with me.

The oil blow-out in the Gulf of Mexico isn’t doing anything to reverse my sense of doom, nor do I imagine that it offers much cause for rejoicing among anyone else reading this.  I can imagine some sorts of perverse logic seeing the blow-out as a possible good thing, given a long-enough-term view, but most days that kind of logic ain’t working for me.

I have cancer of the tongue.  Cancer… a situation where a cell goes rogue, unchecked, and begins multiplying in relatively unlimited fashion.  The resulting daughter cells follow suit, and even as this occurs, the natural life and death cycle of cells goes unheeded, as far as these rogues are concerned.  They replicate faster and live longer than “normal” cells.  Eventually, in many, if not most cases, their unchecked rapid growth threatens and eventually kills their host organism. (I’m already beyond my pay grade in talking about cancer.)  In my case (most likely) these rogue cells will kill me… unless I pre-empt their final solution by putting them and me, both, out of business – myself.  Our species seems to be on a track that leads to putting ourselves, as well as our host organism, “Gaeia”, out of business.  I intend to speak about this in a subsequent essay.

Essay One: Nearing-death Experience [ Prologue ]

I expect to die “by my own hand”.   I have  a tumor or two in my tongue.  This may be an indication that there really are gods out there somewhere, and that they have ways of dealing with wise-ass atheists.  I was diagnosed with a biopsy in February, 2010.  I figured out that I had some sort of cancer during Fall & Winter, 2008.  I have been “ready to go” for a couple of years.   Two months ago, the examining doctor informed me that by his authority, I’m presently hospice-ready.  Now, for some background.

My wife, Jan, found a clot of blood in the toilet when she got home from work, one day last year.  My negligence.  That was her first clue.  Several months later, under the press of some spousal torture (via placing my head in a vise and turning the screw), I blurted out that I thought I probably had cancer.  Jan asked me to get an appointment to get it checked out.  Some months after that, my own discomfort was finally sufficient to drive me to see a doctor.  I’d put it off for so long, partly because I harbor a bone of contempt for the medical industrial complex and its sick care model.  Also, I put it off because I couldn’t figure out how or why I should continue to be in the world, considering the toll I take on the environment.  Maybe it was time to give back little share of space and resources.  If you don’t ever think like this – believe me – some people do.  You could say I was depressed a little.  Mostly, though, I felt terminally discouraged.  I couldn’t figure out any way that I might support myself that didn’t have planet-destroying ramifications.  I was stuck.  I felt terminally stuck.  A hunting and gathering lifestyle would not yield much in my modest middle-class urban neighborhood, especially during the late fall, winter and spring, here in Spokane, Washington.  A few sorties of rounding up stray cats & dogs for the stew pot, or digging up dandelion roots in neighbors’ yards, would soon likely get me in trouble with somebody, eventually the law.  The potential for getting stuck eating jail food for months on end did not seem an acceptable option.  So, I just resigned myself to suffering-along in my own feckless angst until something occurred to me.

I have worked for nearly twenty years as a self-employed arborist.  It’s, arguably, enviable work.  It can be grimy, physically-demanding, grimy, mentally-challenging, adrenaline-draining, grimy work.  But, you’re outdoors, with opportunities to take in a bit of fresh air, sometimes in rather lovely, albeit contrived, landscapes.  I’ve met, befriended, and worked with, and been mentored by some smart, talented, inspiring fellow arborists.  The best of them are true, rare gems of humanity (some of the rest in the tree business are not folks you’d want to house-sit for you).  Occasionally, I’ve had the chance to work for some unusually personable, interesting people.  Some clients have been sufficiently well-heeled and generous enough to afford good, careful, thorough work, and thus willing to pay for goodly amounts of it.   Back when I first started to work for myself, I asked a respected local arborist who’d been in the tree business for twenty years what kind of money he earned doing tree work. His answer was that he’d at least handled a fair amount of money during his years of working in the trees.  I soon-enough found out what he meant. Purchasing trucks, chippers, chain-saws, rope, tackle, tools, permits, gas, diesel, vehicle and contractor’s insurance, telephone advertising, business cards, etc,… and paying business taxes, always seems to provide plenty of places to dump whatever money you might collect.  Still, I’m glad I had the chance to work at it for nearly twenty years.  Mostly.

Enough of all that.

I’m, preternaturally, a pessimist.  Like most “pessimists”, I prefer to think of myself as a “realist”.  I’m not sure how I got to be such a pessimist.  I think it happened mainly by force of growing up with parents who were both cynical and intelligent.  I was pretty skeptical and cynical, by the time I was into my teens.  However, unlike most people I’ve known, I never grew out of it.  Back in my early twenties, I had a straight-forward plan to make the world a better place.  Simple: kill all the bad people.  No one took me very seriously, though sometimes they took one step back away from me.  My next great-but-simple idea was to just wait for the man-made mayhem of the world to play itself out.  I said that all we needed to do was to wait a couple of thousand years, and verily, the world would have become a quieter, saner place.  That idea at least seemed far enough out in time that most people who heard it didn’t feel threatened by it, though some still were inclined to to argue against my implication that we were going to exterminate ourselves

It was the Seventies, though, and most people at least had some idea where I was coming from.  The assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Robert Kennedy, Malcolm X, the four students at Kent State University, as well as the embarrassing horror of the war in Vietnam, took a little sparkle off of most people’s sense of how special America was.  Add to that the ugly murders and police attacks on on blacks and activist-whites during the civil rights marches of the Sixties.  By the Seventies, race riots, white backlash, “white flight” from northern cities, were adding to the stress of  an attention-getting energy crunch.  A lot of people began to catch on – America just might not be Fairyland Forever.  For awhile, Lyndon Johnson’s bullish optimism and bravado had given a few people some cause to believe everything was going to be alright, but by the end of the Vietnam War, optimism was at a low ebb.  Nixon and Watergate took their toll on national optimism, too.  But, some people seem to thrive best on rose-tinted sunshine, and Motivational Rabble-Rousers like Tony Robbins were out making fortunes, small, and great, selling “positive thinking”.  These were what were later referred to as The Go- Go Years.  Optimism was a hot seller.   I wonder how Old Tony is doing today.  Does he still have his own personal helicopter?  Sheesh.

After the let-down of the Carter presidency (way too much bald honesty for most Americans) we got eight years of unadulterated wonderful, welcome encouragement from Ronald Reagan.  Hollywood good-looks, slathered in “Grecian Formula” and Brylcream, with masterful doses of sunny packaging and rhetorical baloney brought enough of America back to its feet, that his sleazy VP, George H.W. Bush was shoed-into the White House for four years of more baloney, and worse.  Among other things, he got us into the atrocious, but efficient-thus-popular First Iraq War, as well as the scandalous Savings & Loan Debacle, a precursor to the financial swindle/meltdown we’ve experienced lately.  ”Poppy” Bush must have increased his fortune rather handsomely during those four years.  He was born a New England blue blood, though he wasn’t exactly rich, by the standards of the day.  He’s become plenty rich by now, somehow.

While Tony Robbins and Old George Bush were, each in his own way, angling to make their next several million bucks, some of us were trying to figure out how we might be able to simply earn a living.  From there, I moved on to wondering how I might earn a living without significantly contributing to this planet’s demise.  When I hit on the idea of being a “tree surgeon” (something I’d fantasized about since I was eight-years-old), I thought I had caught the great brass ring, at last.  All the while, the Earth’s atmosphere was slowly, insidiously, heating up, as silent, invisible CO2 continued to seep, in relentlessly growing molecular moles, out of our cars, helicopters, jet airliners, 18-wheeler trucks, power plants, houses, chainsaws, ski-boats, and lawn mowers.

Off and on, during the late Eighties and early Nineties, I would slump into occasional states of depression.  There was, at least,     some pay-off, though.  It was during this period that I began to figure out an explanation for why so many people in America were depressed, especially women.  I concluded that our lives and much of what was going on around us was… depressing. There was actually a good reason why we felt so crappy, and it wasn’t because god hated us, in particular.  It was our environment, including our social and political institutions.  All sorts of things were unfair, skewed, destructive, and apparently out of control.  The game, it became obvious, was rigged.  Even if you took the trouble to exercise your fifteen minutes of “democracy” every four years, unless you voted for the well-packaged corporate Cheeze Whiz cracker-puppet, you voted for the loser.  As we have seen with the latest presidential election, this time a black guy got to be the the well-packaged corporate Cheese Whiz cracker-puppet.  Before the paint cans were even opened to redecorate the West Wing, new President-elect Obama brought some of Wall Street’s most culpable reptiles inside the building, helping to bring down the whole house of cards, while minting, for the Reptile Class, new magnitudes of lucre from the melt-down of the national economy.  Cool part of it, for the lizards, was that the new president had brought more of their kind into the inner sanctae of his administration than any president in memory.  The “Hope & Change We Can All Believe In!” bubble took a heavy hit right there and then.

Remember?  Remember when you first wondered if it might be possible that anyone who scratched and greased his way into the White House might really be there working for the betterment of himself and his backers, rather than working to make America a better, fairer place to live and work?   Boy, does that seem like a long time ago!

So, I’m now enjoying the somewhat vaunted status of a dying man.  It’s really rather nice.  People ask me how I’m doing, and I’m actually convinced that many of them are truly interested in knowing how I am, how I feel, what I’ve been thinking.  Friends bring us dinners once in awhile.  There are times when I wonder if we can keep up with the volume of incoming food.  People treat me with deference.   So far so good.  I even have a Social Security Slurry check promised to my account every month – my wife says it adds up to more than I actually netted, after expenses, when I worked.  The humiliation of that knowledge is nearly balanced out by the pleasure of knowing that I, perhaps rare among some of our friends and relatives, am assured of getting back some of my own contributions to one of the greatest Ponzi schemes of  our era.  Admittedly, I won’t come close to collecting anywhere near what I paid into the fund, considering that I started paying in over 40 years ago.  Assuming, as I do, that I probably won’t be around, sucking up Social Slurry money a year from today, I calculate myself to be a cheap date. Forty years, times twelve — comes to, uhh… 480 months?  I paid in about about fifty times more than I expect to recoup.  Of course, I don’t mean to sound like a whiner.  Mostly, I just want the rest of you to know that I’m not going to be getting away with all that much.  This is really all just a piece of my hair shirt.

I am winding down, I believe.  Comparing two week intervals over the past six or seven months, I think I feel, and operate, a little less well each interval.  So far, though, I’m in pretty fair spirits.  One of these days, one might suspect that I would get a bit depressed.  Seems reasonable.  I believe I can put up a bit of that.  Eventually, when it gets too hard to put up with, I plan to have a small, quiet party.  Probably sometime this Summer.  I plan to get high, with my wife, a few close friends, and with a small bottle of Helium.  I’m hoping our friend, Julie will be here, to play some lovely, soothing harp music.  Julie is deep into a two year program, studying Music Thanatology, a curriculum that aims to prepare her to be a professional musician who specializes in playing music for people who are in the final stages of the dying process (Thanatos was the Greek god of death).  I think this is a pretty-damned fine idea.  Even if it’s not an absolutely sustainable occupation (probably not), I believe it’s a step in the right direction.  She’ll do most of her work in hospitals, but if this idea has some serious legs like I think it does, people will be able, with any luck, to have someone like Julie come to their home when they’re about ready to check out.   I’m looking forward to hearing Julie’s harp, while I go to sleep holding Jan’s hand.  It’s something I’ve thought about for a long time.  But… all things in their turn.  I’m not quite ready to go just yet.  Anyway, it’s rainy and grey… and cold, today.  I propose to die on a nice warm, sunny day.  There are still a few things to do, some of which can perhaps still be got to.  For one thing, I’m planning to host my own wake – a “Going Away Party” – a little more than a week from now.  I’m thinking it could be fun.  I hope that’s what Jan is thinking.  That’s the latest big idea.  It’ll be Pot Luck, of course.